(Remember that episode of Sex and the City?!!)
“How old are you?” (I get this question a lot. I suppose it has something to do with the fact that I act 23 sometimes, yet certainly don’t look it).
“I am 30.” (I smile….and I think I know where you are going with this.)
“Really?!! And you’re not married yet???!” And sometimes they’ll add, “Don’t you want kids???”
I cannot even tell you how many times this conversation happens to me. If I had a dollar for everytime it came up, I would be able to pull an Oprah and buy each of you readers a new car.
No, but really, it does come up a lot. I tell myself it’s flattering because maybe people think I really don’t actlook my age, but really it also stings a little bit, too. You see, I’ll let you in on a little secret: Chicago aside, if you live in the Midwest and aren’t married by the age of 30, they make you wear this.
(Source)
Or at least, it seems like they should!
I have no concerns about waiting to find the right person, but I would like to have my own kids one day. I talked to my OB/GYN (the SWEETEST guy ever), and he assured me that actually more than half of his pregnant patients are between the ages of 35-40! This made me feel so much better.
So, yes, most of my friends here are married, and most with kids. (I mean, I guess they don’t want to wear the shirt, above). I had ONE single, never-been-married girl friend, left – my friend, Sarah.
I am sure you can probably guess where all of this is going….last week I got a text from Sarah saying she was engaged! I was so, so happy for her. She is really one of the sweetest girls in the world – gorgeous, generous, optimistic, and you kinda want to hate her but you can’t. 
I’m actually embarrassed to admit this, but I actually teared up a bit after reading her text message. NOT because I was jealous of her – I know she truly deserves this as she’s been in and out of crap relationships since she was 16. But it was more that I turned on the “pity party” button and started to feel sorry for myself.
(Source)
Immediately my first thought turned to – you guessed it (um….or maybe you didn’t, so I’ll tell you), binging and purging. Because that would take my mind off of things. THAT would make me feel better. Right? Right?!!
Wrong.
And I knew this. So you know what I did?
I listened to some of my songs, and focused on the blessings in my life. Sure, I don’t have someone to share my life with. I don’t have a ring on my finger or a significant other. But you know what? That is okay!! I realize that I have SO many blessings in my life, and rather than focus on what I DON’T have, I chose to focus on what I DO have. I didn’t binge and purge, but watched a great movie (“The Social Network” – highly recommend it!) with my sister and brother-in-law, had some ice cream, and called it a day. 
It was a small victory, but in that moment it felt pretty huge.
Do people get married young where you’re from? And do you ever struggle with pity parties?
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Holly, I think that’s a huge victory! You’re awesome
Sometimes I feel like a pariah for living in Chicago and marrying young but I didn’t always live in Chicago and most of my friends from before Chicago were also married before the age of 30. At one point I was the only married person in my whole office!
Maybe you should move to Chicago
Aww! That is a huge gigantic victory, I am so very proud of you!!! I know how hard it must’ve been to get past that text message from your friend – on the one hand to be so incredibly happy for her but on the other, it just reminded you of your singleness. But you are doing SO GREAT at pushing down negative thoughts, avoiding the need to binge and that is huge. You are making such strides already in 2011…I KNOW this is your year, I just know it!!
Yes, in Oklahoma it’s not uncommon for people to be 22 or 23 and get married. Crazy. I have a feeling I’ll be a late marriage bloomer as well!
Good for you girl! I’m not sure why people feel the need to ask questions like- why are you not married or when are you going to have kids. 99.9% of the time, its none of their business!
You are SO right about the midwest! I was one of the first of my friends to get married, but they are all already ahead of me on the kid-front.
Good job on redirecting your focus onto something more positive!
Awww! Sweetie! I think I have the opposite issue. I am 25 and have been married since I was 23. ALL of my friends (from Chicago), however, are 25 and have had no serious relationship and are not in relationships now. Let me tell you, I’m often jealous of them for not having to worry about anyone but themselves! I wouldn’t change a thing, but it’s one of those things that the grass is always greener on the other side. Not that I don’t love and adore my husband, but it wouldn’t have brought me any grief to meet him, ohh…8 years later than I did
Enjoy!! And keep up that positive attidue!!!
I would have felt sad too! Sad for me/happy for her. I am happy you made it through it without binging and purging. Good for you!
People have kids really young where I am from (in high school) and sometimes get married young. I got married at 23, my older brother was 24 when he got married. My younger brother is getting married in April, he’ll be 24. And my sister is 21 and really pushing for an engagement ring (it makes me CRAZY!). Yet, I know people in Chicago who are older than me and not married. It’s weird how it’s regional.
P.S. LOVE LOVE LOVE SATC!!! I totally remember that episode!
I’m right with ya girl, I’m one of the last two of my best girl friends who hasn’t gotten married and I’m almost 30. I definitely don’t mind it though, since I never had “normal little girl dreams” of a wedding/marriage/etc and really always dreamt about my career aspirations… nothing like a teenager telling their mom that they want the keys to a BMW more than an engagement ring, right haha? I will say that although I’m one of the last of my friends to get married, I’m also the one that has acheived the most measurable success with their career which I’m totally proud of and would never want to give up. And if The Man and I do end up getting married & having kids, that would be great, but I definitely didn’t expect all that when we started dating 2 years ago – you know what they say, what’s meant to be will be
So I say embrace it – which it sounds like you did – and when it’s meant to happen it totally will! You are fabulous and I know that someone great will fall into your life in the most unexpected way!
I’m from the Boston area and people do tend to get marry later up here. Older family members still ask those same questions too and i never really know how to reply. I do want marriage eventually with the right person, but i guess i just haven’t found him yet.
I have the same feelings you had when my friends move into the marriage stage – happy for them, yet totally bummed because it just highlights how i am still alone. I am worried i will be the only one left! I have the binge/purge issue to so i sincerely say congrats on fighting that off, i know it can be hard.
I have a feeling this will be a long response, haha!
I went to a private university in the South affectionately known as “the marriage factory.” About half my friends were engaged by sophomore year and everyone wanted to know why Christopher and I weren’t engaged yet since we had already been dating 2 years (we began dating my freshman year of college). We always felt like the odd man out for choosing the wait on marriage until we graduated.
However, low and behold, once we graduated from the marriage factory and got married and moved away… we discovered something crazy. People couldn’t believe we were married. Partially because we both look 16, haha! But also because 21 and 22 are really young ages to be married as far as the rest of the nation is concerned. We had no idea. We felt like we had waited forever to get married compared to all our friends, but in reality, we still got married very young.
I don’t for one minute regret our decision to wait to get married until we graduated – we got to enjoy all the fun living-in-the-dorm times with our roomies and still be in a committed relationship that we knew was eventually headed toward marriage.
And looking back, I also don’t regret getting married so young (now that I realize just how young we were, haha). After dating 4 years, with university degrees under our belts and jobs lined up… I think we were in a great place to marry even though we were young.
One of the girls I work out with came from the same uni and grew up with the mindset that she would most likely get married in or just after college. She’s about to turn 28. And you know what, she’s okay being single. She just hasn’t found the right guy yet. And that’s okay with her. Yeah, she wants to be married and have a family, but not at the risk of marrying a jerk. Better to wait for the right guy than settle on the wrong one. Our divorce rates are sky high and no one wants to go through that.
Haha! I was right… this is a long comment. Sorry about that.
All in all, just trying to say that it’s better to wait on the right guy than settle. 
Sending huge hugs your way Holly!
I got pregnant at 23 when I had Hannah, and her Dad just walked away. I felt by the time she was 8, she would be old enough to understand about dating, etc.
I met my now husband at age 32 – and it seems like we’ve been together our whole lives – and we only married 6 months after we met and just celebrated our 10 year anniversary!
And I can’t tell you how many of my high school friends are just now starting families – so there is plenty of time.
You are gorgeous and smart – the right man will come along one day!
I’m 25 and one of the very few left who aren’t married. My best friend of 20 years is married for 4 and expecting her 1st baby next month! And I’m not even close – don’t even have a BF.
I’m so proud of you for staying strong and not giving in to your emotions. Just take this time to enjoy the great things about being single while you can!
That’s what I’m trying to do!
well im 29 yer im single too and so what and im not married im concetraiting on tihngs that i can do while im single like saving loads of money up and geting my goals forfilled
SO proud of you for handling the situation without binging and purging. You are such a strong lady and I’m praying for you all the time!!
This story reminds me of a year ago when I desperately wanted a baby and everyone around me was getting pregnant and having babies. I wondered if I’d ever be able to even conceive. One of my best friends had also been trying with his wife and he called me one day to tell me she had gotten pregnant finally and I started crying immediately and really struggled to not let him hear the quivering in my voice. I SOBBED when I got off the phone. I was SOOOOOO happy for them, but it only reminded me of how sad I was that it wasn’t happening for me. But here I am a year later holding my very own baby in my arms. God listens and he answers our prayers. YOUR time will come Holly and it will be AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!! I love you girl!!!!! 
xoxo
P.S. Finn is currently wearing your outfit! I will cry when he outgrows it!!
I just came across your blog; I also live in Indiana, in a suburb of Indy! I’m not originally from Indiana, but is it just me, or do people get married really young here? I’m in my early twenties, finishing up my last semester of college, and my Facebook notices are announcing engagements and name changes left and right. Do people not realize how young we are? What’s the rush, Indiana?
Wow, what a huge victory on both things…it has to be so hard to hear that from your friend, even though you are genuinely happy for her. I can relate to the single thing, of course, and for me, I tried to make a joke of it (and I hope you laugh at this cuz I know I can still laugh at myself!) and said to a friend once, who was complaining at being single at 31 and I said hey, at least you didn’t cycle through a marriage before you were 30
But in all seriousness, I KNOW the right one will be there for you, you are a completely gorgeous, wonderful, warm, amazing person. You deserve it so SO much. And it’ll happen. I promise.
HUGE victory Holly!!! Way to go!!!!
So proud of you….. Ice cream and a movie.. best way to end the night. I want to see the social network!
It was a huge victory! Good job.
Most of my friends got married fairly young, like in their low to mid twenties so I felt left out for a long time. Jason was pretty much my first really serious relationship and we met when I was 29.
Most of my friends are single I often feel left out because they go to fun “meet guy” things and I am at home… Alone! Hubster works late! But I know for my nephew he and his wife were married young (like 20) because she’s from Ohio and that’s the norm there!
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I hate when people ask all of those type questions, like you have to do certain things by a certain age. I get asked alot about when we will have children- I say do what makes you happy and don’t worry about what society’s rules are. Where I am from, people do get married and have children young, which puts pressure on the rest of us.
Just have fun- there is plenty of time for all of those other things to happen!
I had a literal LOL at that t-shirt. I get those questions ALL the time when I go back to my hometown. It drives me insane. Luckily, I don’t get it as much here in DSM. Even though the majority of my friends are married or long-term committed, there are also a decent amount who are single – most of them older than me.
However, as I was on my way home from watching the fights at a friends house last night, after stopping in the store at 11:30 pm on my way home to cure my craving for Hot Pockets, I suddenly had an “I am so lame right now, I am going to die old and alone” moment and got really sad. I just have to remind myself that it will happen when it’s meant to happen, obviously right now is time meant to be focusing on myself, which I don’t mind that much.
Yes, yes, yes! I hear you. For sure… I haven’t really been one to date and have never been in a serious relationship. I have “pity me” days every once in a while but my married friends also remind me that the grass is always greener
I love the shirt! LOL!
I just found your blog today and I love it! I live in Indy and all my friends are married and most have kids. I’m 29 and people do look at you sadly. This post reminded me of all the things I have to be thankful for!
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